Its been happening for a few weeks. When it first started, i thought it was a fase and she'd fall out of it quickly. but that just proves i was being optimistic and clueless.  It seems as though a member of my family has lost interest with us.and its a rather depressing thought. i wish it wasnt true but theres no denying it. I used to rely on optimism but thats just a sick joke we play on ourselves.

this person in my family used to be the glue but now it looks as though i am.  my brother too no longer wishes to be around me much.  :[ If it werent for my dad right now i dont think i would be home writing this.  my dad seems to be my last hope.

ive tryed escaping it.thats how i seem to deal with my problems. i avoid them until they no longer exist or fade away.  I'll admit it isnt a healthy way, but its the only way that works for me.  Ive tryed talking to people, even professionals. but they are hopeless and it seems as though i am too.  

for the past two weeks, i havent been home much and thats where i seem most happy. away from it all. but yet here i am, home, depressed for 2 reasons, and wishing i was out of this house. 

 be with someone to take my mind off everything. but that isnt going to happen tonight and most likely not tomarrow.  i dont know what to do with  myself. i feel unwanted, a little unloved by family, and i feel trapped in this state of mind.

optimisim. i dont even know where to begin about that joke. its failed me one too many times and i now i have given up on it completely. please do not try to change my mind about it.  id rather deal with reality.

-kasey

L is for the way you look at me :]
  

ha! who am i kidding?! no one. NO ONE looks at me where i've sat there and thought  "wow. i think im speacial to them"

 then....then.... then usually...

well im home from florida. despite what ryan thought, i had a great time. it wasnt too hot and it wasnt humid.  i inevitably picked up some kind of southern accent but its fading. i have to refrain from saying "y'all"

i had a great time and honestly didnt want to leave,  but i did miss my friends and now that im here im glad to be here

i've also learned something after reading a lot of my friends xanga entries is that, they always seem to come across some philisophical thing or discover something about themselves, or a lot of the time theres something thats gone wrong. but as i ive read mine, i dont have any of these discoveries. ive tryed to write something that someone will  come across as worth reading but i cant its not the same. so i wonder if these people that write such fascinating entries really do have these epiphanies often or if they are just better at pretending to and have an easier time writing them.  

THE END